Soul-mate versus Pick-mate. There's a difference!

Written by Irene Pierce Panayi

There’s a big difference between a soul-mate and a pick-mate. A pick-mate is someone you pick for yourself because he or she checks all of your boxes. It’s likely someone who is attractive, kind, thoughtful, has good career potential and does nice things for you. All of that sounds awesome, doesn’t it? The problem is that all of these things are about what you get from the person and from the relationship and love is not about what you get; True love is about what you give.

To find a soul-mate, instead of looking for the person who is being thoughtful to you, perhaps you should look for the person who makes you want to become more thoughtful and more giving because that is the person who is truly moving your heart and who is a real standout for you! It’s the person you can’t stop thinking about and who becomes the list of boxes that you want regardless of any imperfections that he or she has (because we all have them). When you find the one who has all of your attention without having to work to get it and who you want to shower with love and affection simply because of the deep feelings you have for that person, that is the person you truly love and now it’s a question of whether that person truly loves you back in return in the same way. If the person does, therein begins an amazing relationship where two people are focused on making the other person happy, which is what love is really all about. Two givers make for a really great relationship! 

With true love, the person will move you in a way that you can’t ignore and don’t want to let go of. There is a song called Like No One Does written by Jake Scott that gives a good description of what a good relationship is built on. Instead of the song talking about what the other person does for you, it focuses on how you feel about the other person. It talks about how you know a lot about the person because you care enough to really listen to him/her, you want to understand him/her better, and you want to keep learning even more about him/her. The reality is that we are ever-changing beings because we have new experiences every single day and the experiences of our life cause us to change. You aren’t the same person today that you were 10 years ago and won’t be the same in 10 years from now either. As you change, the person you are with does too so each day becomes a new opportunity to learn even more about the amazing person you get to share your life with.

The song also mentions how you want to hold their hand like you mean it and it’s a feeling that you don’t want to live without. When you truly love someone and show it, that person will feel fulfilled and content in the relationship and if the person loves you back in the same way, you will feel fulfilled and content, too, so the relationship will blossom and you become in sync with each other. When two people are focused on the true love that each one has for other and on giving and making the other person happy, it becomes a relationship to cherish and that can stand the test of time. True love is special and sacred so if you find it, appreciate it and never take it for granted! 

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